This pregnancy has been different. I feel like I have not really had a chance to connect with this baby like I did with my first two. And I guess it is understandable. With my first, I had oodles of time to just sit in the "nursery" and rock in the rocking chair and talk to the baby in my belly (call me crazy...). Even with my second, we painted her room and made her a nursery, so she felt like a part of things before she actually got here. But with my third, it doesn't seem real. I feel pregnant, believe me, but I am not connecting being pregnant with the reality of a new tiny little person joining our family.
Maybe I am in denial because I have heard so much about how hard it is to adjust to three kids. Maybe this whole pregnancy has just been a blur of fatigue, sciatic pain, and nausea all while still being mom to a 2 and 4 year old. Don't misunderstand me- I am so grateful for the blessing of having another baby. The trust that Heavenly Father has in me to be a righteous mother is overwhelming. But I feel guilty, like this little one isn't getting the build up she deserves. So since I can't sleep anyway, I think I'll go rock for a while in the baby's room and try to make up for lost time.
2 comments:
Oh sweet Kristen.... Why does pregnancy have to be so hard!? I wish it could choose to be hard either physically or mentally or emotionally... but it seems to be hard on all 3 and then some! ... It is SO hard to be pregnant with a 2 and 4 year old - patience is constantly out of the picture and like we were singing to our first babies, it seems this one is hearing my yelling from the womb, maybe that's why I'm not dialating.. he's afraid to get here! :) Just kidding - But seriously - you are such a sweet mommy. I hope you find more moments to connect with your baby, not for your baby's sake, but for yours... You are getting so so close :) I bought Milk at Costco on Wednesday and the exp date was your due date and it made me smile thinking of you :) ... Hang in there!
Thank you so much for sharing your true and honest feelings. It is ok to not feel bonded. I will remember this when expecting our third. Good luck with everything soon. :)
Post a Comment